Wednesday, January 12, 2011


My three years of marriage could be summed up with one word: waiting. I haven't posted in a while, but I still haven't gotten my happily ever after. I still have Prince Charming though! We have been trying to conceive and bring home our first child since July 2009. We got a positive pregnancy test on July 4, 2010. It was easily the happiest day of my life. A month later, the saddest day of my life happened; I miscarried in the women's restroom at work. I would have been due in just a few months.

We have been doing everything to conceive again. I have taken 4 rounds of a fertility drug, a take my basal body temperature every day, I chart that temperature, I pee on more tests than any woman should be allowed, I drink POM since it was the fertility drug of the Ancient Greeks, I exercise, I could go on with this list for days.

I have finally gotten to the healing process. For a few months, it was easier to just not think about it or be bitter about it. I began reading a book by a Christian author that went through Hannah's fertility struggle in the Bible. It led me to 1 Peter, where I am currently receiving all sorts of wisdom.
1) Trials like these just refine my faith and bring me closer to God.
2) I will be rewarded for trusting God during this time.
3) Christ went through way more suffering, so I can endure this.
4) God's will may not be for me to have a child of my own. It may be my own selfish desires that want to birth a child.

I hope to blog more often, even if no one reads it. I need this as an outlet.