Wednesday, January 12, 2011


My three years of marriage could be summed up with one word: waiting. I haven't posted in a while, but I still haven't gotten my happily ever after. I still have Prince Charming though! We have been trying to conceive and bring home our first child since July 2009. We got a positive pregnancy test on July 4, 2010. It was easily the happiest day of my life. A month later, the saddest day of my life happened; I miscarried in the women's restroom at work. I would have been due in just a few months.

We have been doing everything to conceive again. I have taken 4 rounds of a fertility drug, a take my basal body temperature every day, I chart that temperature, I pee on more tests than any woman should be allowed, I drink POM since it was the fertility drug of the Ancient Greeks, I exercise, I could go on with this list for days.

I have finally gotten to the healing process. For a few months, it was easier to just not think about it or be bitter about it. I began reading a book by a Christian author that went through Hannah's fertility struggle in the Bible. It led me to 1 Peter, where I am currently receiving all sorts of wisdom.
1) Trials like these just refine my faith and bring me closer to God.
2) I will be rewarded for trusting God during this time.
3) Christ went through way more suffering, so I can endure this.
4) God's will may not be for me to have a child of my own. It may be my own selfish desires that want to birth a child.

I hope to blog more often, even if no one reads it. I need this as an outlet.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Does Anybody See Her?

Casting Crowns had the hit "Does Anybody Hear Her?" a few years back. The chorus says, "Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even knows she's going down today Under the shadow of our steeple With all the lost and lonely people Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?"

It's sad that people have felt ignored and mistreated by God's people since Genesis. Genesis 16 tells about Hagar, a servant to Sarai (Sarah, Abraham's wife). Since Sarai and Abram couldn't conceive and became impatient, Sarai gave her servant to her husband to give her a child. When Hagar discovered she was pregnant, Sarai became jealous and mistreated Hagar. Hagar eventually ran away to a spring and cried. An angel, on the behalf of God, came to and told her that the Lord had heard her misery. When she spoke to God, she said, "You are the God who sees me."

Oh my! How often do we overlook people or mistreat people on accident? When jealousy or gossip gets in the way, we don't treat people the way we should. Who knows how these people are feeling! Imagine what a non-believer thinks of God when His people ignore him/her! I have heard of three attempted suicides in the GSP area in three days...those people felt alone because someone overlooked them when they needed love. Many of the youth in our society are acting out by drinking, smoking, cutting, sleeping around, etc. because they are looking for love that only God can show them.

My goal for this week is to show God's love to EVERY person I come into contact with and to go out of my way to show His love to people who may need it. Every person is important to God. 2 Peter 3:9 tells us that God is waiting patiently for man to come to Him. I'm going to show people who God is!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Give Thanks to the Lord

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.
-1 Chronicles 16:34

These are a few of the things that I thank God for everyday:

*Jesus being sent to this earth to die for my sins so that I may live eternally.
*My husband, Jordan, for loving me so much and being my best friend. He is too good to me.
*Caroline and Peyton, my dogs, because they always know how to make me happy.
*My parents for always loving me even though sometimes they don't agree with the things I do, giving me everything they possibly can/could, and trying to protect me from all evils.
*Unemployment for showing me that God is control of every situation and that my worrying will do nothing for me. Also for showing me how God works in mysterious ways.
*My brothers for making me the person I am today. Without their constant picking and joking, who knows how tender-hearted and serious I would be today. I'm also thankful for their love and support through the years. Also for marrying such wonderful women to give me the sisters that I have been longing for. And for giving me 3 wonderful nieces.
*The two jobs that Jordan and I now have. We are finally happy and couldn't be more thankful for the places that God brought us.
*My in-laws who always teach me something new and for the good times we have together.
*My freedom and my brother and sister-in-law who safely returned from Iraq this year.
*The best friends in the entire world who always know what I am thinking and how to make me smile.
*Neighbors who are friends.
*My church, Rushing Wind Christian Fellowship, for being a true sanctuary to everyone regardless of their color, bank account, or past.
*Our house, cars, and everything else that God allows us to have and keep.
*My job at Landrum Middle School for preparing me for my current job. I knew all those hoops I was jumping through was not just for show..God knew.

I'll probably continue to add to this list throughout this week. Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Mary or Martha

So, I've started reading Chasing God Serving Man. It's a book that describes how Mary (the God chaser) and Martha (the man server) both are important in ministry. So many people throw Martha under the bus because she didn't fall at Jesus' feet, but instead worried about the house and the meal. The main point this book makes was Jesus not also human? He loved the worship from Mary, but he needed the nourishment from Martha.

Matthew 8:20 says, "The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." Jesus felt that he didn't have a place where he could feel comfortable, except Bethany, the home of Mary and Martha. He loved Bethany because the needs of his divinity of humanity were found in Mary and Martha. There are both Mary and Marthas in the church. I know I am a Martha. I need Marys to meet the worship side of Christ.

We have our gifts as women of the church. These ladies need to love one another and not work against one another. Tenney, the author, describes the division between Mary and Martha as an argument between siblings in the backseat on a road trip. Our father does not want us arguing about particulars, but working together!! Tenney does warn Marys of trying to find the Holy Spirit when he isn't there, but welcoming him when he comes. He also warns Marthas of being too pushy and walking all over Marys.

Matthew 25:34-36 says, "Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me." Marys and Marthas have to work together to meet the needs of our Savior and of the church. Which are you?

Friday, October 23, 2009


Matthew 7:20--"So then, you will know them by their fruit."

So many VBS songs confuse young minds about what it means to be "fruitful". I have to say that it took me a long time to understand it exactly. The Bible refers to fruit and farming so often. This week, I had a strange revelation. I have been reading about self-control and concentrating on Galatians 5:19-25:

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

These lists are not exhaustive. I'm sure there are many other sins that cause the Holy Spirit to hide deep within us. I'm also sure that there are other ways that we can show others Christ within us. However, these two paragraphs go hand in hand. You cannot have both. They cancel each other out. I went through and noted on a scale of 1-10 how sinful I am and how fruitful I am. If you know me at all or have ever read my blog, you would know that self-control is my weakness...or maybe it is kindness. Either way, I am not showing people Christ when I cannot control my thrashing tongue.

If I would have rated myself five years ago, things would have been different. Being a follower of Christ causes me to constantly change. It is a never-ending self-improvement process. I am striving to minimize the sin and increase the fruit. "They" say we should have 5 fruits a day...I'm working on my 8 fruits everyday!